The developmental strides made by the Somali community in recent decades cannot be gainsaid.
The community’s businessmen have their footprints all over the country. Eastleigh, their hub, has become a city within a city, with booming trade in commodities and services.
The Somali progress is also felt in politics. Despite the community having experienced extreme marginalisation over the decades, Somalis now sit at the heart of national leadership. The Majority Leader in the National Assembly, Aden Duale, is the third most powerful political leader after the president and deputy president.
But this political and business success tells only half the story. Like the rest of Kenyans, Somali society is undergoing a tumultuous social change driven by global forces that threaten to undermine the norms that held the society together. One of this is materialism and is having negative impact on social relations among the Somalis.
Nowhere is this negative impact being felt harder than in wedding ceremonies, which some families have turned into a platform for showcasing their wealth. Marriage is revered for the role it plays in continuing family lineages.
As the gateway into marriage, weddings were traditionally austere. Dowry, which is what consummated a marriage, was reasonable and inexpensive.
When a man was ready for marriage, his parents proposed a partner on his behalf. During courtship, all he needed to do was prove his love and ability to care for and protect the family. There was no contact between unmarried couples. Dowry (Mahr) was in the form of animals like camels, cows and goats.
The groom could negotiate the Mahr downwards, but the girl alone made the decision, based on her own right and taking into consideration the man’s conditions. Once married, couples committed to love and take care for each other.
These values are revered even though the Somalis, unlike other Kenyans, have not adopted the western concept of honeymoons. There are of course many families that still revere marriage for the sacrosanct institution it is, but for a lot of people, educated urbanised women in particular, weddings have become a source of quick riches.
Courtship now means endless phone calls and even meetings at expensive joints like 5-star hotels. Many a prospective bride are now demanded outrageous gifts like gold, huge cash, large convoy of vehicles or expensive clothing and household items like furniture. As weddings become commercialised, new records are set periodically, driving up their costs even further.
Traditionally, the groom would slaughter a bull to be shared by the two families during a wedding ceremony. The common minimum standard today is two camels, one for each family, which more than triples the cost of food alone.
This situation has become the source of anguish for many young men who have had to start families with debts incurred for wedding expenses. These contribute to the growing cases of divorce, misunderstanding between couples and other marital problems.
The high cost of marriages has led to increased in divorce cases, with divorced women suing their ex-husbands for child support in the Children’s Department in collaboration with the Kadhis office. Many divorced women turn to selling miraa or petty trading in urban areas to support their children.
Some young men also shy away from marriage due to the high expenses. Yet, as The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.”
Granted, dowry is a mandatory payment in marriage. It can take the form of money or other possessions such as jewellery or livestock.
However, unrealistic dowry demands can only pervert the essence of marriage, and everyone in society has a duty to address the materialistic culture before it takes hold.
Parents should educate their children that weddings aren’t a source of wealth. Often, the parents whose daughters are demanding extravagant wedding gifts never received nor offered them, yet they have lived happily and raised up children.
Religious leaders should advise the ummah about the place of Mahr to avoid its being confused with superfluous gifts that can only cause friction in marriage, intensifying moral decadence in society.
Even more important is the role to be played by young people themselves. With increased educational awareness, prospective couples should strive to understand their potential partners and make marriage decisions with full understanding of what awaits them in the institution.